Can men and women be friends (at work)? - On the Edge - Kristi ...

The story I wrote for the latest issue of Women@Work:

We live in an era when gay marriage is legal in our state, nearly making out with your dog ? and posting the evidence on Facebook ? is the norm and partying with your boss acceptable. But, as a society, we?ve yet to embrace one relationship: the platonic male/female friendship ? especially in the office.

When a man and woman spend time together outside of the obligatory meetings and strict morale of the workplace, people talk. Speculation builds and rumors spread. And if the pair are married (not to each other), soon coworkers have the two of them jetting off to Fiji and living happily ever after as a couple.

?Perception is reality. While the relationship may be completely appropriate, the perception is that it is not and it can damage someone?s career,? says Dan Moran, president of Next-Act in Colonie.

If statistics are to be believed, that perception ? as skewed as it may be, in some cases ? may not be hard to understand. Nearly 40 percent of people have dated coworkers, according to a survey from Career Builder, and one-third have married a coworker. No wonder colleagues quickly think a budding friendship between a male and female coworker is likely to go from analyzing spreadsheets to getting together between the sheets.

Sometimes the person you relate to most in the office will be of the opposite sex. And, if you want to pursue that friendship, caution is paramount.

?I wouldn?t go out to lunch every day with someone,? says Thomas J. Denham, a career counselor and owner of Careers in Transition in Albany. ?Once a month is not going to cause suspicions, but anything more than that will.?

You could go out once a week and it could be completely benign, he says, but, as Moran noted, people will talk about it. And, really, with perception being key in the business world, what others are thinking and saying matters, and can affect your success.

The biggest issue is a lack of trust among subordinates, says Moran. Colleagues become suspicious of promotions and professionalism is tainted. Sometimes the situation boils to the point that one of the two people has to leave the company ? and usually that?s the woman, says Moran.

While it?s natural for people who spend a lot of time together ? obviously easy to do in the workplace ? to form a bond, the friendship can quickly get sticky for people who are married, says Tracy Smith, the board president with Capital Region Human Resource Association. While she?s not entirely opposed to the pairings, she says the real issue can be at home.

?If you are married, make sure it?s open what your relationship is with your spouses,? says Smith. ?If you are in a relationship and your spouse is not comfortable with it, you don?t have that relationship.?

Source: http://blog.timesunion.com/kristi/can-men-and-women-be-friends-at-work/50781/

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